Thursday, February 24, 2005
A lot of people say that the way that the new year starts after tet is the way that the rest of the year will go. If so, my year of the rooster will be marked with some not to pleasant feelings. It seems like for the past month or so, many different Chris personas are conflicting for mental/physical control. When i wake up in the morning i can feel the internal struggle between the personas to see who will be the days dominant one. Its quite a strange sensation.
If you were to come up and talk to me, I dont know that you would be able to sense which neurotic mental manifestation was in control of my physical self for any given day. On the surface it seems as if each neurotic manifestation exhibits qualites taht are consistant with Chris Tran. On the surface it may appear taht the water is calm and steady but in reality under the surface i can feel a different way of understanding the world, a different way of thinking associated with each neurotic persona. Although this mental state affords a unobstructed [and differing] view of the outside world, it unavoidably constructs a convoluted and complex inner-conciousness which can be hard to navigate.
I believe that this neurosis is the reason why these days i am watching even more television and playing more video games than i normally do. The power of media resides in its ability to create an alternate reality in which the individual can impose for his own. In other words, media's power resides in the fact that it bestows psuedo-control back into the viewer, so that the viewer has teh ability to choose to enter the reality of the show, game, etc.
For instance to escape the complexess of and composite-ness of my own mind I turn to different media outlets. Through media [video games, tv, cinema, etc] i have the luxury of choosing to not be manic chris tran, of not being photographer chris tran, of not being film scholar chris tran, nor am i reclusive chris tran. Through media i AM Tom Brady of the new england patriots. Through media i AM Federal Agent Jack Bauer of CTU. Media affords me the ability to choose any alternate fictional or non-fictional reality and to impose it upon my own. Media removes the neurotic personas from power and restores my ability/power to choose my own persona, even if the choice is a fictional persona. The appeal of adopting a fictional reality and persona resides in the fact that through a third party persona we are able to make sense of our own personas.
I just realized that somewhere along the line of me working through my neursis that this post became a sort of working outline for another independant study research paper. "Neurotic Personas [and the Subsiquent Replacement of] through Mass Media." Right now I am film studies scholar Chris Tran.
If you were to come up and talk to me, I dont know that you would be able to sense which neurotic mental manifestation was in control of my physical self for any given day. On the surface it seems as if each neurotic manifestation exhibits qualites taht are consistant with Chris Tran. On the surface it may appear taht the water is calm and steady but in reality under the surface i can feel a different way of understanding the world, a different way of thinking associated with each neurotic persona. Although this mental state affords a unobstructed [and differing] view of the outside world, it unavoidably constructs a convoluted and complex inner-conciousness which can be hard to navigate.
I believe that this neurosis is the reason why these days i am watching even more television and playing more video games than i normally do. The power of media resides in its ability to create an alternate reality in which the individual can impose for his own. In other words, media's power resides in the fact that it bestows psuedo-control back into the viewer, so that the viewer has teh ability to choose to enter the reality of the show, game, etc.
For instance to escape the complexess of and composite-ness of my own mind I turn to different media outlets. Through media [video games, tv, cinema, etc] i have the luxury of choosing to not be manic chris tran, of not being photographer chris tran, of not being film scholar chris tran, nor am i reclusive chris tran. Through media i AM Tom Brady of the new england patriots. Through media i AM Federal Agent Jack Bauer of CTU. Media affords me the ability to choose any alternate fictional or non-fictional reality and to impose it upon my own. Media removes the neurotic personas from power and restores my ability/power to choose my own persona, even if the choice is a fictional persona. The appeal of adopting a fictional reality and persona resides in the fact that through a third party persona we are able to make sense of our own personas.
I just realized that somewhere along the line of me working through my neursis that this post became a sort of working outline for another independant study research paper. "Neurotic Personas [and the Subsiquent Replacement of] through Mass Media." Right now I am film studies scholar Chris Tran.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
It has been an uber long time since i have blogged. It has been so long that it is almost xmas. Today has to be the absolutely worst day ever. Not only do I have the stomach flu (but if you discount the throwing up of ungodly amounts of various stomach liquids and the incessant pain in my stomach where it feels like an incubating alien is about ready to pop out, its not so bad) but i have 2 finals today.
After today it will be clear sailing.
After today it will be clear sailing.
Monday, August 23, 2004
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
It has been a while since I have posted and a lot has changed since then. Living on our my own is great even though I have to cook and fend for myself becuase the alternative is starvation. Fending for myself isnt really that hard though, thanks to the contributions of Theresa [George Forman Grill], the knives we ultimately got from Vincent [we exchanged the toaster he got us becuase we already had one], and the bountiful supplies of beer that various people have brought over. I love living on my own even if it means being lonely at times becuase if Vanessa isnt home then no one is home.
Work is going well as well, less the 2 hour or so commute each way from home to work and from work to home. Less the drive work has been spectacular. If anyone wants to come visit the set, things can be arranged [but you will have to wait in line becuas there are others already waiting]. Its a lot of fun working for a legitimate company, not that vietnamese run companies arent legitimate but they sure are sketch. As cheap as a company as Disney is, Disney doesnt compare to any vietnamese companies. I wouldnt mind working for ABC/Disney when i get out of school.
Work is going well as well, less the 2 hour or so commute each way from home to work and from work to home. Less the drive work has been spectacular. If anyone wants to come visit the set, things can be arranged [but you will have to wait in line becuas there are others already waiting]. Its a lot of fun working for a legitimate company, not that vietnamese run companies arent legitimate but they sure are sketch. As cheap as a company as Disney is, Disney doesnt compare to any vietnamese companies. I wouldnt mind working for ABC/Disney when i get out of school.
Vanessa and I bought Ashlee Simpson's new cd yesterday although I got a copy of it from work on Monday before it came out. As one of the first 500 people to purchase the cd, we get to meet her on sunday! Do we gross you out as much as we gross ourselves out sometimes?
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
It boggles my mind when I just sit here [the sofa in the intern office] and watch people who walk by. The producers walk by, as does the executive producer [of both the show and of ABC daytime, west coast], and so do the soap stars [who are pretty nice and some of them are surprisingly small in stature and some of them are a lot cuter than they appear on TV] .
Later on today I’m going to sit in with the director in the master control room. The technology they have here is amazing. The editing systems, the audio systems, all of the systems are amazing. I was talking with an editor of the show and I was just looking at her desk and all I could think was that I want a desk like that.
When I look out the office window, I see the LA skyline and I look over the hills and I wonder what Vanessa is doing. I also find myself wondering what is Theresa doing right now too. I would love to get the chance to work in a lab like she does.
I'm hearing ABC Disney company picnic is on the 10th of July. I wonder if the soap stars will be out.
Later on today I’m going to sit in with the director in the master control room. The technology they have here is amazing. The editing systems, the audio systems, all of the systems are amazing. I was talking with an editor of the show and I was just looking at her desk and all I could think was that I want a desk like that.
When I look out the office window, I see the LA skyline and I look over the hills and I wonder what Vanessa is doing. I also find myself wondering what is Theresa doing right now too. I would love to get the chance to work in a lab like she does.
I'm hearing ABC Disney company picnic is on the 10th of July. I wonder if the soap stars will be out.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
I'm so frustrated. So frustrated that i dont even want to move out anymore, but I have to. There is no room at home now, the room is rented and I need to move. After days upon days of driving around we havent found a place and the one condo we did find, it looks as if some other people will get that condo. Maybe I'll just have to put my belongings into storage and just manage homelesses [unless you count the expedition as a home. in taht case i wont really be homeless] for a while until I find myself a roof to live under.
Maybe my mom was right. She asked why do I want to move out? I want to move out becuase i want to be independant and to grow up. Theres probably no faster way of growing up than not having a roof to live under. Look mom I'm growing up.
Maybe my mom was right. She asked why do I want to move out? I want to move out becuase i want to be independant and to grow up. Theres probably no faster way of growing up than not having a roof to live under. Look mom I'm growing up.
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events kick ass.
